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| I took the SAT again today, and I'm pretty proud of myself.
Not to sound cocky, because I'm not, but I just felt quite confident.
It could be the fact that I don't want to waste another $40 & Sat morning
in a room with strangers, or that the long tedious test is just so exciting.
After studying at B&N, I treated my buddies out to Chile's
with Isiah's 25% discount, and only minor complications.
Everyone was stuffed -Haha! it was GREAT. No pictures tho.. =[
I got baby cheesecakes [Sara LEEs!], poptarts, and pencils at Vons with Isiah
& when he finally dropped me off at Turbo's the wet night sky was beautiful.
Tommy and I had a long talk about High School Musical,
WATCH IT - it's the bestest Disney movie ever!
And if you still haven't seen V FOR Vendetta, you're totolly missing out!
I'm not even joking.
&it's not even because the masked hero is named VY..
Missions Trip to Mexico: so much to say..
i enjoyed every bit of it, even tho I know that is the least important of issues.
So many things to reflect about, and questions to ask and answer.
Spending 4+ hours talking with Khoi & Anthony - you two ROCK!
Music. Songs. Artists.
There's too many, how can someone ever listen to or obtain all..
what if all music suddenly disppeared, would people literally die off with it too? | | |
| [I wrote this for English class, and it's supposed to be accompanied by a photo..]
DVD
Most pictures are taken and kept for the sake of preserving a memory, and no picture could be a better example. The picture here is a simple single-paged book with many a tragic tale behind it. It shall be an eternal reminder of how the most unexpected changes are always to be expected and how humans are just like life: complicated, unfair, and never as they appear. Of course, at first glance, this looks just like any other studio-taken photograph. The girls are smiling delightfully like dark little angels, with the exception of the middle child who looks a bit too eager. A year ago, this picture was of DVD (Diana, Vy, and Destiny of the Dark Side), but that time has already come and gone. The photograph now consists of three strangers with phony visages and a past too deeply embedded to be wholly forgotten.
It was a weekday and a special one for that because there was no school! A sleepover was planned a couple weeks ahead for this Memorial holiday, full with parental consent and list jammed with “necessities” and “To-Dos”. The party started after Destiny, Trisha, and I finished our trek from my house to Diana’s. We unpacked and had some snacks to loosen up, giggling like school girls together the whole time. All of a sudden a single phone call capsized the night. Trisha’s dad called saying he has changed his mind and will be coming to take Trisha home soon. As we sat there horrified and thinking up outrageous plans to thwart the inevitable, the clock ticked by ten times as fast. After the group cut to three, nothing we tried was the same. We sang karaoke, drove out for a midnight snack, looked at pictures, and finally got ready for bed. Lying on the floor, we were talking about life, boys, and school when we jumped onto the touchy subject of family problems. As we lied there crying together, I felt so safe, loved, and extremely grateful for my friends.
After breakfast the next morning, Diana was putting make-up on Destiny and me when we decided to sneak out. We met up with our guy friends at the Edwards’ Theater plaza nearby. As we passed a photo studio, we couldn’t decide what to do. Taking pictures means staying out later, raising the chances of getting caught, using money we didn’t have, and missing Trisha. On the other hand, why not do something memorable since we’ve already sneaked out especially since the next time we’ll be able to do this isn’t plausible. We ended up borrowing some money from our guy friends and took our pictures. The photographer turned out to be a freaky, old, Asian pervert. An hour later, neither of us was extremely satisfied with our pictures. But since we didn’t want to stay there longer than needed, we took our pictures and rushed out. Once we said bye to our guy friends, we sped home.
When Trisha saw our pictures the next day, there was trouble. Of course she was entitled to feel angry and hurt that she was left out, but we were all being unreasonably selfish and inconsiderate. Even though that episode is long gone and over, I am more than embarrassed to recall how ridiculously I dared to treat a friend. That year, a great turning point changed everything. A single guy became a threat to the friendship between Diana and I, and something said by Destiny pushed Trisha over the edge. I promised all my friends once that I would never let anything come between us, that a guy would be the least of my worries. I have stayed true to my word. And though I never turned against Diana for all the things her jealous heart led her to do, I was heartbroken, disappointed, and exasperated that she could be so blind and unkind. I endured her glares, lies, and her every attempt to hurt me. And though I cried almost every night, I was sure she would eventually come to her senses. Three times she apologized for being such a horrible friend, and three times I forgave her, telling her I’ve held no grudge and have no contempt. Each time, my heart felt a hundred tons lighter; and I thanked God for giving me the strength to tolerate and hold out. But I came to see that each happy ending was only a phony fairy tale. It seemed that each time Diana “fixed” things with me, she was only getting consent to continue in her rage. To make things worse, Destiny was the first person to hear my full side of the story. I told her everything before trouble had a chance to begin, hoping she’d understand. I don’t know what happened exactly, but I eventually heard people passing around a nasty rumor, backed by Diana and Destiny. This conflict grew so big that our whole group of 14 girls split, and to make things worse, it became a little war with rivaling sides. And contrary to what most people thought, instead of ending over the summer, the start of a new school year only made it worse.
Now I know what the saying “What doesn’t kill you, only makes you stronger” really means. I also see how stupid and naïve I was for being so willing to give up everything for friends. I know that the people you care for the most are usually the ones that hurt and fail you the most, but wisdom comes in discerning the right kind of people to allow into your life. And ironically, as shown in this picture, even if someone is there for you physically, doesn’t mean that they’ll always be there for you. Over the course of this past year, the one who has been there for me is the one person not shown in this picture. I’ve come to see the words “best friend” as an elementary spelling word because true friends stray no further than family. For that reason, I am eternally in debt to Trisha Tran, who isn’t just another school friend, but a sister whom I’d have to be insane to even try to express my love and thanks to. Over the course of our short lives, it’s a rarity to find the people we’d literally die for; and you’d be lucky to find even one. But life shouldn’t be viewed as a quest for true friends; it should be a journey in becoming one.
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| I thought it would be smart to start fresh,
so I went back and deleted 14 months worth of entries overfilled with memories.
Now I am filled with regret.
Halfway-through, I remember wanting to start xanga to record my days, but now they're all gone.
I'm amazed and overwhelmed by all that was and all that has changed.
My entries were filled with so much innocent love, silly happiness,
confused anxiety, mixed excitement, and childish thoughts.
Besides traveling back in time amused, I'm thoroughly pained and confess that I still don't understand it all.
WHY did things turn out the way they did, was there no possible alternative?
I know I'm foolish for pondering so pointlessly; but a deep scar has been punctured
and I fear it shall never heal completely.
Everything we worked so hard to create and established.. simply crushed and tossed away.
Yet there is neither resentment, spite, animosity, nor bitterness,
just a humble & broken heart still patiently waiting within a confused and demoralized soul.
I say: FRIENDS are just like FOOD. It's our responsibility to choose and consume wisely.
My Current Playlist:
FM Static
Waking Ashland
Sum 41
Jack's Mannequin
Augustana
Fort Minor
Bowling For Soup
Keane
Sherwood
Story of the Year
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| My Beloved Friend,
Please care to spare these few minutes to read this. I love you. More than my words could ever express, because that's what friends do. But do you have any clue of any of the pains you've caused? I say this with no other intent than to share my feelings, point of view, and perhaps show you the things you do. Friendship is built on trust, tolerance, and love. I give all my love, tolerance, and love. And maybe this is easier for me because I am still naiive and innocent by your standards. I know you've been through a lot more hurt and turning points in your life, but that doesn't give you the right to be content with who you are. I know you and could trace our personality blinded. I've told you before, ways to change and better yourself, but I see they've all been wasted. Do you get annoyed when i speak? I'm sorry, I guess I should've learned by now. You don't know how hard it is for me to have to sit, watch and do nothing. I see your hurt, your pains, and I know exactly feelings and intentions exactly, even when you yourself are unclear and undecided. You're happy with keeping your emotions inside, and yes, that is usually better in many cases, but it doesn't work when you're hurting yourself in the process. You tell yourself you couldn't care less, that you don't give a [pooh], but deep down it tears at your heart as you fight against yourself. You don't know how hard it is to write this right now. I would die if I had to lose one of my beloved friends, and I would hardly be able to stand if it was because of something stupid. Your values are different from mine, and I respect that. I've always been taught that friends are friends forever, and I plan to keep it that way. People have been to telling me I need to grow up, mature, and welcome myself to the harshly real world. They've told me that sometimes the disposing of ONE friend will benefit for the best in the end. Please.. I'd rather not have to try and disprove that. I apologize if this is going in circles and you're totally confused, but that's because being bluntly honest isn't really a choice with you. How can you be such an obliviously selfish hypocrite? You judge others without mercy, but you scowl inside when someone dares to joke with you. You say you care, but you can't be serious, your actions are screaming to show otherwise. You lack compassion and tolerance; you need not to argue. I see now how stupid I am for forcing so much tolerance from myself. You use the fact that I can't walk by ignorant when I know my aide is needed, that I would go way out of my way to help my friends. But my foolishness should have compelled you to direct me, instead you use me for your own good. I've gotten into arguements trying to defend my friends, my actions respecting my friends, but i see how stupid I was. You say you're sorry. You say don't worry. You say it doesn't matter. If only your faces were more eager to follow up. This past year alone, I believe I've grown so much. Overcome with mixed emotions, I really don't know if I can express all that is going on. The dearest hope of many high schoolers is probably and hopefully to stick it through until the end, to last past high school and be there for each other. But fear of seperation and drifting has already arisen, why is that? Lack of communication, change in perspectives and motives, interest in other people [mainly boys], or just indifference. Life is tough, and it won't always be happy and estactic, that's why friends are there, the family that you can always come to. You're not supposed to allow other troubles to brew, you're not supposed cause the taking of sides, you're not supposed to leave a grieving mark in the hearts of your friends, you don't get mad at your friends who are only trying to help, and you don't turn your back on your friends. Why do I even waste my time doing this. What are the chances of you reading this, taking it into heart, and sincerely caring? Please, the issues and drama I've seen you go through already, every thing and every one, please don't leave me back here, hanging solely, waiting to be dropped. I've actually been throught more than I've let on. Now seeing, you might say that I'm contradicting myself for not being honest with you guys, but why? Because I don't wish to have to go through things again? It isn't going to be a smooth or easy ride, there will be bumps and ditches, and that's why we need to stick together. You need to trust me, I care too much about you for you to just stab me and leave me slit-bleeding. You call yourself a friend, and I deny it but it's true, how dare you do the things you do? You get out of hand so often, but you don't seem to care. All you think about is your own feelings, what you want, what you can't have, and you're filled with nothing but bitterness and hate. You block others who try to help, you deliberately choose to leave things be, and you.. I still can't believe and am in shock about the things I've seen you do. I've tried to see your side, but you can't possibly have to nerve to think you're right. You don't know how much you owe, to the friends you have, who are willing to give up so much just because they value you more. You don't know how grateful you should be to be blessed with such caring friends. It hurts me that you could be so blind. Sometimes I just don't get get you. I don't know if i should continue on or keep trying with you. My eyes haven't teared so much as it has this past year. You don't know how much it hurts me just to think about these things. I don't understand WHY friends can't be friends forever. What is WRONG with unconditional love? Why is life so HARD? What happens then? What is happening now? What do you want? I'm willing to give it all up just to make sure our friendship is keptsaked. Why can't you see that? You see only the bad, which you create in your mind and.. WHY!?! You know your friends love you, yet you always strive to put yourself down. There is only so much a friend can do for you. So deep down, are you really a Friend or a fiending Foe?
Yours truly. | | |
| singing//my//he rt//out | can't\\you\\hear\\me
O yea - muchos <3 to
»[J]ijieong (the) [J]ynx (aka) [C]himichunga [C]hupalupa [E]nchilada w. [G]uacomola«
&
»[C]rusty [C]hristine (the) [C]olossus [P]iece (of) [C]aa[C]aa«
Have you ever really thought about babies? And not just babies in general, but the process of having your OWN - and of course I mean after love and marriage to your special one & only. Do you want a boy, girl, or twins, or either? Then what are you going to name your precious? Will you discuss this before-hand, or worry about it when the time comes? Will you buy baby name books or choose a name at the spur of the moment? Then will your baby have your last name, your spouses, both combined, or something hot like Fox, Cruise, Pierce, etc? What if your spouse disagrees?
And if you're Asian, will your baby have an Asian name? Or a modern English name accompanying an Asian name? A simple Asian name or an elaborate two-syllabled one with special meaning and careful picking? A traditional English name like David or Jennifer, or a fun n unique one? How about spelling? Simple and easy to spell Christine - or Krysteen or Chriztaen?
So an elaborate Asian name + an English name + and multiple last names, thought about all the possible problems? Bullies making fun of the long name, or laughter caused by mispronounciation. Tears and questions of why you cursed them with such a name. -or- Why did you give me such a plain and boring name? Don't you love me at all?
Then as your baby is growing up, which name to use, English or Asian? Or will you create another nickname like pumpkin or princess or lil tyke?
What if you decide the name doesn't really match or suit your baby? WIll you get it officially changed? Or let your baby decide when he/she is old enough? Or will you now decide to have no kids at all? 
Leaving for retreat tomorrow - i kno ya'll miss me...but don't worry - i'll be back in four days =]
smartdudeA: VY Le in O.C.... is the coolest, most down to earth, most optimistic thinker in the whole wide world.... she'll litterally brighten ur day with a Single smile......
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